The Essence of Marriage - September 29, 2009

I could not agree more that this is what a marriage should be. Imagine how much more beautiful and enriching your marriage could be with this type of relationship.

This type of relationship is one in which both people admit to the value of it and each other. They make a commitment to each other, a commitment to work toward intimacy and a deeper love in a monogamous state. Each person takes the responsibility to fashion a separate life, however, and each finds ways to fulfill needs without expecting the other person to meet all needs.

In a loving, committed relationship, partners listen to each other. They listen acceptingly and uncritically. They listen in a way that helps the troubled person reach solutions, rather than in a way that insults, demeans, or impedes understanding. Instead of ignoring, they listen. And they do not try to "fix" the problem.

Each person hears what the other asks, and if it does not interfere with their own well-being, each will offer a part of himself to fulfill the request. And, in turn, they will ask to have some of their needs, wants and wishes fulfilled. Neither will stand in the way of the other's development.

-Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse 

Daylight - September 14, 2009

 

Each day
I rise with the

Thought of light
the roaring brightness,
en-lighted contrast

Of beams and rays
in a medley of grace

I stand before
the earth and chase
darkness towards
the flames
deep beneath the
universal traits
you are my fame
"sunshine"

Daylight desires
opening a cycle

Of nocturnal's
painting away the night
giving birth
to a new life
a new day...

a simple chapter
starting with a thought
that spoke of

DAYLIGHT.

 - Itumeleng Adams

Saying Yes to Love - September 13, 2009

"I slept, but my heart was awake," says the beloved in Song of Songs. there is a level at which all our hearts are always saying yes to love, regardless of how dulled or preoccupied our conscious minds are and regardless of how unloving our actions may be. Saying yes to love is a state in which we awaken to turn ourselves, intend ourselves, toward that which our hearts have been wanting all along.

I find it immensely reassuring to know that deep within myself, and with all my sisters and brothers, something is always and irrevocably saying yes to love, wanting to grow into fulfillment. It helps me be more compassionate with myself and others when we fail so miserably at loving one another. It also reminds me that the journey toward greater love is not something to be instilled in people; it is already there to be tended, nurtured and affirmed.

Moments of contemplation, moments of realizing being in love, are times when the sporadic consciousness of our minds approaches the constant wakefulness of our hearts. It is given to us, as if someone or something has said, "Hey, wake up! Here you are! Look! Taste! See! Appreciate!" It happens in little spaces and pauses, between thoughts, between activities, between demands, between breaths.

Because we keep ourselves so dull and occupied most of the time, I am certain that these awakenings come from the power of God's grace, weaving itself through our moments and circumstances, calling us to notice the wonder of our being and empowering us, if we so choose, to intend ourselves toward our deepest desire. Grace comes as a gift. We can neither earn it nor make it happen. But grace invites us to participate; it needs our involvement.

-Gerald G. May

Keeping Still - September 08, 2009

If you have ever watched ants at work on a bare patch of lawn, you have seen us. They scurry this way, stop, scurry that way. They labor under the weight of the crumb they carry just so far before abandoning it. They meet and part, disappear into the grass and appear again or never do. Small things loom large-the fallen leaf, the rusty nail. Large things go unnoticed-the sky, the house, the enormous face in the air. They keep busy on their tiny errands.

Life is busyness for all of us. Keeping still comes harder. But stillness comes. Even the ant lays down her crumb. Even at our busiest and on the move, something within us pauses from time to time between the rusty nail and the fallen leaf, between stops on the subway, between laying down the pen and picking it up again. We keep still, and we dream.

By quieting our minds and keeping still, maybe most of all by just letting up on ourselves and letting go, I think we can begin to put ourselves back in touch with that glory and joy we come from and begin moving out of the shadows toward something more like light.

-Frederick Buechner - Telling Secrets

A Time to Believe - September 07, 2009

 

Lutz R.-Frank

To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.

To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.

To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes
and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.

To believe is to find the strength
and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.

To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.

To believe is to know that wonderful surprises
are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.

If only we believe.

Beautiful Reflection of Life - September 6, 2009

Marko_K  photoree.com
 

As you travel through life there are always those times
when decisions just have to be made,
when the choices are hard and solutions seem scarce
and the rain seems to soak your parade!

There are some situations where all you can
do is to simply let go and move on,
gather courage together and choose a direction
that carries you toward a new dawn.

So pack up your troubles and take a step forward.
The process of change can be tough.
But think about all the excitement ahead,
if you can be stalwart enough!

There could be adventures you never imagined
just waiting around the next bend
and wishes and dreams just about to come true
in ways you can't yet comprehend!

Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new interests,
as you challenge your status quo
and learn there are so many options in life,
and so many ways you can grow!

Perhaps you'll go places you never expected
and see things that you've never seen,
or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds and
wonderful spots in between!

Perhaps you'll find warmth, affection and caring,
a "somebody special" who's there
to help you stay centered and listen with interest
to stories and feelings you share.

Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends
are supportive of all that you do
and believe that whatever decisions you make,
they'll be the right choices for you!

So keep putting one foot in front of the other
and taking your life day by day.
There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road.
Don't look back, you're not going that way!

Author Unknown

We Will Take Wings and Fly - September 01, 2009

This month marks a year since the passing of my beautiful husband, Vicente A.M. Flores. Vicente was taken so violently and suddenly from my life that I did have to  "cocoon" for awhile to continue. This is to share with so many that We Can Fly and Smile Again.

-Neva Flores

The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.

We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.

Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.

It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're going through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain and be disciplined. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.

We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress and change.

It is okay to allow oursleves to "cocoon" during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that something new and exciting is being created within us.

Before long, we will take wings and fly.

-Melody Beattie 

Valuing This Moment - August 30, 2009

How often we waste our time and energy wishing we were someone else, were doing something else, or circumstances were different.

We needlessly confuse ourselves and divert our enemy by thinking that our present moment is a mistake. But we are right where we need to be for now. Our feelings, thoughts, circumstances, challenges, tasks-all of it are on schedule.

We spoil the beauty of the present moment by wishing for something else.

Come back home to yourself. Come back home to the present moment. We will not change things by escaping or leaving the moment. We will change things by surrendering to and accepting the moment.

To trust the process, to trust all of it, without hanging on to the past or peering too far into the future, requires a great deal of faith. Surrender to the moment. If you are feeling angry, get mad. If you are setting a boundary, dive into that. If you are grieving, grieve. Get into it. Step where instinct leads. If you are waiting, wait. If you have a task, throw yourself into the work. Get into the moment; the moment is right.

We are where we are, and it is okay. It is right where we are meant to be to get where we are going tomorrow. And that place will be good.

It has been planned in love for us.

Melody Beattie-The Language of Letting Go

 

A Milestone of the Heart - For my bestfriend Eva - August 30, 2009

A milestone of the heart
Has the wind for a friend
Inspiration for the soul
That stays true to the end.

A milestone of the heart
Is a road's lightened breeze
The spirit of a friendship
Heard laughing in the trees.

A milestone of the heart
May be but a disguise
The spirit of great knowledge
And the whispers of the wise.

A milestone of the heart
May beat steady and slow
Is the making of the wind
Where kindred spirits grow.

-M Rene Riel

New Life - August 30, 2009

I've been sitting around this life for years,
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure out where it all went,
These wasted years that I have spent.

Searching for something to go beyond,
Life's a stone skipping across a pond.
At the last skip, it hits with a splash,
Down the stone sinks, gone in a flash.

Pushing and pulling, it's tearing apart,
Poking and prodding an underused heart.
This dark velvet curtain that hides my soul,
Living this life has taken it's toll.

In a flash of bright light, the curtain is torn,
Tumbling down all tattered and worn.
Revealing new life, a child within,
Born free of hate, of suffering and sin.

Now my eyes see what has never been told,
Striving forth happy, confident and bold.
Into a world that's unfamiliar but friendly,
Into this new life my spirit will send me.

Living and laughing, loving it all,
I stood myself up and answered the call.
The darkness has gone, replaced by the light,
I gave up the darkness with hardly a fight.

I've been sitting around this life for years,
With laughter aplenty and hardly a tear.
Now I can see just where it all went,
Cherish every moment of this new life I've spent

-Paul Bodet

Transform Negativity - August 27, 2009

The energies of life come to meet us at every moment.
Most come from other people who are either in the same room or on the flickering, Technicolor screens with which we now share most of our homes. The vast majority of these energies are not positive. So how do we handle the 'the negatives', whether it's someone's attitude, their hurtful gestures or our daily dose of world violence and mayhem?
There are three cardinal rules. First, do not absorb it - don't be an emotional sponge. Second do not reflect it back. Otherwise you begin a cycle of emotional exchanges which may last a long time. And third, do the one thing which marks us as intelligent human beings - transform it.
Even if the scene is a disaster there is some benefit somewhere in it. Even if you are watching two peoples beliefs or opinions slug it out to the edge of violence don't take sides. Instead offer a solution then stand well back. Even if the person hates you, accept their state of being and return the light of love. In time, with patience, it will illuminate their darkness, and return to you by the bucketful! Just wait.

Give Me The Wind - August 26, 2009

I am at my best with the wind in my face.
When overcoming the challenge, with pace.
The pace that requires more effort, more strength.
But once gained momentum, endures with great length.

It's easy to sit back, placid and calm
Comfort is only a relative balm.
It seems an advantage, better than strife
But is dulled by stagnation, stifling life.

Progress needs movement, energy, drive,
No chance for improvement if you do not strive.
Nothing's for nothing: cause and effect.
That which you work for, you've more chance to get.

So give me the wind, let it blow in my face,
The more I confront, the more strength I'll embrace.
Steps are not mounted, nor challenge overcome.
Without certain courage or effort be done.

Craig Nicholson

A Creed to Live By - August 25, 2009

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different —
that each of us is special.

Don't set our goals by what other people deem important.
only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
cling to them as you would your life;
for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip thru your fingers
by living in the past or for the future;
By living your life one day at a time,
you will live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over —
until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect,
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't dismiss your dreams —
to be without dreams is to be without hope,
to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run life so fast —
that you forget not only where you've been,
but also where you are going.

Don't shut love out of your life
by saying it's impossible to find;
the quickest way to receive love is to give love —
the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly —
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings

-Unknown

After A While - August 24, 2009

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn’t mean possession and company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn…

Veronica A. Shoffstall

The Mask - August 23, 2009

A mask of plastic happiness often covers her sadness Her beliefs hidden from most Afraid of, but willing to face the unknown Wondering where her place is in this life She has come close to sharing herself Never completely revealing anything to anyone Feelings of invisible chains corner her When she dreams, reality shatters before her very eyes Accomplishments she strives for just at hands grasp She feels lost sometimes, not yet finding her notch in this world At times the glimmer in her calm eyes slowly disappears But within her heart a silent flame burns her inside and out She roams day by day, playing roles Strength unknowingly resides in her History repeats itself once again The translucent veil she so proudly wears Little by little answers will come, pushing it aside One day there will be no more mask for her to wear One day her beliefs will be known One day she'll know her place in this life One day she will share herself ONE DAY this mask will be NO MORE

-Wolfgirl

August 19, 2009 - Standing Alone

I can see the flower upon which my life grows, blooming into a rose.

See the hope and courage in the strength of the petals.
As long as I am, I will be.
The flower will never wilt or die.
As my life grows back, I shall become strong.
I shall become only dependent on one.
That one will be me.
I will rise with my petals high.
My life as a flower will bloom and prosper as I grow.
I may not be the pick of the patch, but I am just as beautiful as the rest.

I will stand as one, but not a lonely soul.
The tears will be far from my smile.

-Chase

August 18, 2009

How often we must bear the challenges of life; The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow; The constant ups and downs of daily strife. And always the question remains .... why?
Life is not an easy road for most; It twists and turns with many forks in the road, Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ... Do we turn to the right ... or the left?
Do we take the high road ... or the low road? Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one? Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction ... And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.
While standing at a crossroads in life, The urge is to take the most comfortable path; The road with least resistance ... The shortest or most traveled route. And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before; Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences; Do we yet again follow the known? Or does our destiny lie in another direction?
The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real; It manifests itself in many ways, And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear. It is in these times of confusion, That we must seek peace and solitude; Time to contemplate on our life, Our experiences and our choices past; Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned Without fear or confusion.
For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts; Our unique past and personal history; The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face. We can always learn a small degree from others experiences, And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes, Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ... For each is individual ... unique ... and personal. And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads, Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves; The true direction that lies within; The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.
For it is only through personal reflection, That we can now choose our destiny; ... Our next adventure; ... And the future we will embrace.

- Kit McCallum

August 17, 2009

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves... Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you will not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

August 16, 2009

Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time.

That will make us crazy. We do not always know why things are happening the way they are. We do not always know how a particular relationship will work out. We do not always understand the source of our feelings, why we've been led down a particular path, what is being worked out in us, what we are learning, why we needed to recycle, why we had to wait, why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a door closed. How our present circumstances will work into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us. That is how it needs to be. Perspective will come in retrospect. We could strain for hours today for the meaning of something that may come in an instant next year. Let it go. We can let go of our need to figure things out, to feel in control. Now is the time to be. to feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. to learn. To let whatever is being worked out in us take it course. in hindsight, we will know. It will become clear. For today, being is enough. We can trust that things will work out for our good, even if we cannot see the place today's events will hold in the larger picture.

-Melody Beattie
The Language of Letting Go

August 15, 2009

Everyone wants to be loved. But first we must make ourselves lovable. We must prepare ourselves to be loved. We do this by becoming ourselves loving, disciplined human beings.
If we seek to be loved if we expect to be loved this cannot be accomplished; we will be dependent and grasping, not genuinely loving. But when we nurture ourselves and others without a primary concern of finding reward, then we will have become lovable, and the reward of being loved, which we have not sought, will find us.
-M. Scott Peck

August 14, 2009

I was hungry and you formed a humanities club
to discuss my hunger.
Thank you.
I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly
to your chapel to pray for my release.
Nice.
I was naked and in your mind you debated the
morality of my appearance.
What good did that do?
I was sick and you knelt and thanked God for
your health.
But I needed you.
I was homeless and you preached to me of the
shelter of the love of God.
I wish you'd taken me home.
I was lonely and you left me alone to pray for me.
Why didn't you stay?
You seem so holy, so close to God; but I'm still
very hungry, lonely, cold, and still in pain.
Does it matter?

August 13, 2009

When we have lived for a long time by the "don't talk" rule, learning to talk honestly and personally can be a real challenge.
Our attempts to move away from self-deceit toward honest self-disclosure may be quite awkward. It's not reasonable to expect ourselves to be gifted at telling the truth when we have practiced deceit for so long.
Sometimes our words will seem startling. We will feel our pain, find our voice, and the words and emotions will tumble out raw and uncensored. It is not easy to break the silence, to talk about what is real, to tell the truth about what we see and hear, to share what we think and feel.
Breaking the silence is like breaking the sound barrier sometimes it can be very loud. Our words may rattle the walls. When our misery feels as if it outweighs the sand of the seas, our emotions are going to be intense and our words will sometimes be wild. Wild words are part of the journey and should not surprise us. Intense feelings sometimes need strong language in order to find true expression. And honest expression is a step toward healing.
- Dale and Juanita Ryan

August 12, 2009 - Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I don't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream i can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

August 11, 2009 Loving Others, Loving Self

Since I am human and you are human, to love humans means to love myself as well as you. To be dedicated to human spiritual development is to be dedicated to the race of which we are a part, and this therefore means dedication to our own development as well as "theirs."
Indeed, we are incapable of loving another unless we love ourselves, just as we are incapable of teaching our children self-discipline unless we ourselves are self-disciplined.
It is actually impossible to forsake our own spiritual development in favor of someone else's. We cannot forsake self-discipline and at the same time be disciplined in our care for another. We cannot be a source of strength unless we nurture our own strength. The more we reflect on the nature of love, I believe the more it becomes clear that not only do self-love and love of others go hand in hand, but that ultimately they are indistinguishable.

-M. Scott Peck

August 11, 2009

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine and your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning to be careful, to be realistic or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence.
I want to know If you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver moon “YES!”

It doesn’t interest me where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you are or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or with whom you have studied, I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer ~ Indian Elder

August 10, 2009

How simple it is to fault our troubles on others. “Look at what he’s doing.” “Look how long I’ve waited.” “Why doesn’t she call?” “If only he’d change then I’d be happy.”

Often, our charges are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and disappointed . In those moments, we may begin to believe that the answer to our pain and disappointment is getting the other person to do what we wish. But these self-defeating fantasies put the power and command of our life in other people’s hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and disappointment , however legitimate , is to recognize our own feelings. We feel the anger, the sorrow; then we let go of the mind-set and unearth tranquility within ourselves. We know our contentment isn’t restricted by another person, even though we may have persuaded ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we’d like our circumstances to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and preparation forming, one that’s better than we could have devised. We call this belief.

Then we determine what we need to do, what is within our control to carry out to take care of ourselves and progress towards wellbeing. That’s called healing.

It’s simple to point our finger at another, but it’s more satisfying to kindly point it at ourselves.

August 09, 2009

Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.
It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.
We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.
We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms-taking ourselves and our needs into account. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.
We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.
We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage.
This is the heart of detaching in love.