August 10, 2009

How simple it is to fault our troubles on others. “Look at what he’s doing.” “Look how long I’ve waited.” “Why doesn’t she call?” “If only he’d change then I’d be happy.”

Often, our charges are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and disappointed . In those moments, we may begin to believe that the answer to our pain and disappointment is getting the other person to do what we wish. But these self-defeating fantasies put the power and command of our life in other people’s hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and disappointment , however legitimate , is to recognize our own feelings. We feel the anger, the sorrow; then we let go of the mind-set and unearth tranquility within ourselves. We know our contentment isn’t restricted by another person, even though we may have persuaded ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we’d like our circumstances to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and preparation forming, one that’s better than we could have devised. We call this belief.

Then we determine what we need to do, what is within our control to carry out to take care of ourselves and progress towards wellbeing. That’s called healing.

It’s simple to point our finger at another, but it’s more satisfying to kindly point it at ourselves.